• Reflective Listening (“Mirroring”)
    • Touchstones:
      • Be genuine!
      • Be present!
      • Be patient!
      • Show you CARE!
  • 95 % of communication is non-verbal (tone, facial expression, body language
    • How you say it is at least as important as the words themselves
  • Try hard to keep your own “agenda” out of it
    • This is really about hearing what the other is saying
  • Goals:
    1. Understand what/why the other is saying
    2. Be sure they are heard (really heard)
    3. Listen to understand, wait to respond
    4. Slow things down
    5. Allow the other the space and time to solve their own problems
    6. Allow the other to settle down, think calmly
    7. Mirror back: reaffirm importance of speaker and topic
    8. Allow the other to hear what they said and really process it
    9. “Healing” begins only after the other feels heard
  • Steps:
    1. Parrot back what you heard
      • You can mirror back the other’s words and emotions
      • Repeat back at least 3 times
    2. Periodically summarize (the prior 3 statements)
      • Then ask: “Do I have this right?”
    3. Say empathetic or affirming/validating statements
    4. TELL ME MORE! (is there more to say about that?)
    5. *** Remember, everyone has the right to think and feel it
  • Tell them why you are mirroring, because I am not a good listener, and I want to get better at it!
    • If the other is uncooperative, postpone until another time
    • Be careful to mirror back their emotions (not yours)
  • Use judgment when to use reflective listening, when to interrupt and when/how to practice “getting it”
  • End it with “THANKS FOR SHARING THAT WITH ME!”
  • Have self-compassion, especially when you get too emotional
  • Practice the above!

HERD DISPUTE RESOLUTION EXPERTLY GUIDES YOU THROUGH THE MEDIATION PROCESS

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